Fear and Loathing in Hydro
by Cutethulhu
Summary: Cabin fever can become quite deadly in large doses.
1. Prologue

I've been holding onto this idea since I first entered the fandom. (That's three whole years by the way hahaha smoke weed))

* * *

PROLOGUE

* * *

"Dead."

The RED Spy removed his fingers from under the BLU Pyro's mask and wiped them on his suit pants with mild disgust. Beside him, the Sniper eyed the body with suspicion.

"He couldn't have been out here long enough for the heat to get to him… bloody vultures would already've staked a claim on 'im," the Australian said as he adjusted the brim of his slouch hat.

Spy slipped his gloves back on, his expression grim.

"In any case, he should have respawned by now," he said as he looked past the Sniper and down the sun-bleached highway in each direction. They weren't far from their destination, but they weren't close enough to be in the range of any weaponry (friendly or not) either.

Without warning, Spy stooped down once more and struggled to lift the husky BLU by their wrists. The Pyro's head lolled limply from side to side as the Frenchman began to drag them. Sniper looked at him, confused.

"What are you-"

"We're taking him with us," Spy explained, "I 'ave my suspicions and I want our Medic to confirm them."

"'f you're so sure about your suspicions bein' right, why don'tcha just let _me_ have a look at the bloke? Ya don't need some quack to tell ya if he's dead for good or not."

"That's not what I want to know," blue-grey smoke trailed lazily from Spy's lips as he dragged the Pyro back towards Sniper's camper van by the side of the road, "I can't expect a simple hired gun like you to understand."

Sniper walked past Spy and stood in the way of the camper's back door, crossing his arms.

"And what makes ya think I'm gonna let ya cart around dead BLUs in me van after insultin' me?" he asked, leaning against the door.

Spy dropped the corpse on the dirt.

"We can gain important knowledge from this, Sniper," he said, removing his cigarette from his lips and flicking it onto the road, "And it is _imperative_ we get back to our base as soon as possible before the team thinks we've deserted them."

"What's wrong with havin' the team think we're on a little honeymoon?" Sniper sneered, "Why don'tcha tell me?"

Spy's eyes narrowed.

"Do you really not trust me?" he asked.

"I'm a sniper. You're a spy. Comes with the job," Sniper replied, not budging from the door, "And until you tell me what's up, I'm goin' to stay convinced I've got all bloody day to wait for you to spill it."

Spy knew he didn't really have a reason why he couldn't tell Sniper. They had been stationed at Hydro for about three months now and the sharpshooter had proven himself to be one of the more trustworthy and levelheaded members of the RED team. However, Spy had thought that of many of their teammates before they up and fled the base in the middle of the night. He could only guess that Sniper would feel pressured to do the same if Spy told him what he believed the enemy Pyro's cause of death was.

On the other hand, Sniper knew he didn't really have a reason why Spy had to tell him. Spy was the only member of the team who directly answered to the mysterious administrator and one could probably fill a book with things he knew that no one else did. Sniper himself was lower on the pecking order. He didn't make plans so much as follow them, dutifully playing his part from a selected hideout.

No, not a hideout. A roost. Always a roost.

Hideouts were for cowards.

Sniper took off his aviators and looked away, rubbing his eyes.

"Just… just put the bleedin' body in the back," he said as he moved away from the door. He still had a bad feeling about taking a BLU into their base, dead or not.

"Merci," Spy's expression relaxed into a smile, but Sniper couldn't tell if it was genuine or not.

"If I find out ya smuggled a live BLU into the base, I'll leave ya prayin' for death," Sniper threatened under his breath as he walked around to the driver's side of the van.


	2. 1: It's Always Sunny In Hydro

Hydro was a large base. Possibly the largest of all of Zepheniah Mann's inheritance. Because of its size, RED and BLU's battle over it had to be regulated differently. The entirety of the base was split into six territories; three for RED and three for BLU. Battles were held over two sectors at a time, the gateways further into each base shut off until the preceding control point was captured by the enemy. Up until the very last point, previous territories could be reclaimed one at a time.

As one would expect, Hydro was little more than one large game of territorial tug-of-war.

And everyone was sick of it.

Every now and then, someone became sick enough to even desert their team the moment an opportunity presented itself. There was no doubt there would be a replacement shipped in the following day to pick up where they left off, after all.

Sniper and Spy's allegiance to their paychecks outweighed the hopeless tedium of fighting over the same central control points day in and day out, but even thousands of dollars couldn't didn't dispel the occasional thought of just up and leaving or transferring to greener, more exciting pastures.

The sun had lowered in the sky by the time the chain-link fence caging in the small back parking lot of main RED barracks came into view. It was almost eclipsed by the surrounding cliffs as Sniper pulled in and backed the van into the large metal shutter of the garage.

"I'm going to get the Medic," Spy said, getting out of the van first with an air of urgency, "Do _not_ touch the Pyro."

"Ya don't have to tell me twice," Sniper scoffed as he walked up to the keypad built into the wall beside the shutter. Spy said nothing in response and walked briskly to the small back door.

As he left, Sniper flipped up the plastic cover of the keypad and pressed the red, square 'CALL' button.

"'Ey! Engie! Still alive in there?" he called into the speaker. Through the crackling static of the battered technology, the Engineer's reply was just barely audible.

"Not dead yet," the Texan laughed, "Got our monthly supplies with ya?"

"Right 'ere," Sniper said, "Open the garage up, will ya?"

"'m on it," the shutter gave a grating yawn as it folded up. Sniper unlocked the back door, nose curling at the sweaty, burnt smell of the BLU Pyro. How long had the bugger been out there? He could admit his camper van could use some cleaning, but the Pyro just made it worse. The Australian hastily shoved the body off the crates it had been placed on with a 'thump'.

Engineer came strolling out from behind the cluttered work table he had been seated at, wringing a dirty rag in his oil-splotched hands. His goggles were pushed up, exposing a faint tan line and dark circles under his eyes. He seemed hardly awake.

"Thoughtcha said ya weren't dead," Sniper joked.

"_Yet_," Engineer corrected, chuckling. The mirth died on his breath when he caught sight of the BLU Pyro's boots hanging haphazardly out of the camper's doorway. Sniper traced his gaze and paled.

"…What in tarnation is that?"

"Nothing of your concern, I assure you," Engineer made to get a better look at the body when Spy suddenly slipped into view, carrying a gurney. Medic brought up the other end and set it down at the garage entrance.

"None'f my business my ass, Spy," Engineer said, "What're you thinkin', bringin' a BLU into our base?"

"He's quite _dead_, Engineer," Spy replied, passing the Pyro's legs to Medic and lowering him onto the gurney by his torso, "He's as much a threat to us as your outlandish accent."

Engineer looked to Sniper for backup, but the taller man had averted his eyes to the ensemble of wrenches hanging over the work table.

"Think of it this way," Medic said as he and Spy picked up the gurney, "Until BLU sends in another Pyro… _if_ BLU sends in another Pyro… you will have one less nuisance to sabotage your sentries, hm?"

Engineer shook his head.

"You know Soldier's gonna have an aneurism if he sees you two carryin' around a BLU, right?"

"Herr Soldier keeps a collection of their severed heads," Medic shrugged, slightly jolting the gurney, "What's one body? He doesn't even have to know."

"You two're askin' fer trouble," Engineer muttered, turning back to Sniper's van, "C'mon, Slim. We've got some _honest _work to do."

Spy nudged open the door to the rest of the base with his foot, rolling his eyes at the Engineer and certain the shorter man was doing just the same. Meanwhile, Sniper and Engineer worked in silence until the slam of the door following Medic's exit ensured that they were alone in the cool, dark garage.

"Makes me wonder what those two could possibly want with a dead body," Engineer said to himself as Sniper handed him a crate of minigun ammunition, "Jus' seems highly suspect to me that Pyro hasn't respawned like he's supposed to."

"That's what Spy said when we found it," Sniper said grunting with effort as he tried not to drop the heavy crate on his friend's feet, "I didn't know ya could be outta range'f respawn. That thing picks us up by satellite, doesn'it?"

"Can't tell ya any particulars, but that's basically it," Engineer said as he lowered the heavy box to the ground, "So either respawn ain't up to snuff or we've got ourselves a traitor."

Sniper flinched slightly at the way Engineer spat out the word 'traitor' like it was poison on his tongue. He knew the shorter man mistrusted their Spy almost as much as his BLU counterpart, which was a lot considering Engineer's crucial role in the team's defense.

"Ya think Doc's in on this, too?" He asked as he handed Engineer a crate of medkits for the resupply closet.

"I don't wanna, but it looks like he may have some hand in it," the Texan said, "I guess we should give them benefit of the doubt, though. Jus' in case there really is somethin' up with respawn."

* * *

"Very interesting… the Pyro's heart seems to have violently… burst, for lack of a better word," Medic said as he probed the BLU Pyro's chest cavity, "The upper part of the left rib cage has actually snapped forward and there are bits of shrapnel embedded here and there…"

"But have you found what caused all that, yet?" Spy asked as he circled the stainless steel examination table impatiently. Couldn't Medic give him the cause of death first and_ then_ play coroner?

"Really, Herr Spy, have more patience. There is an art to autopsies," Medic said, moving twisted and mutilated bands of lung and vein out of the way to retrieve something with his tweezers, "Here we are; the BLU Medic's _mediocre_ rendition of my Übercharge technology. It enables the Übercharge, naturally, but also keeps the subject connected to respawn."

Spy gave Medic an incredulous look.

"Then wouldn't we die as soon as we get blasted to pieces by a Soldier or Demoman? How can the machine bring us back to life after it's been destroyed?" he asked.

Medic hummed as he held the gnarled piece of metal that was once the BLU Pyro's respawn apparatus up to the fluorescent light above the examination table.

"That, my friend, is a question I have lost hour after hour of sleep trying to answer," the German replied pridefully, "Thankfully you did the right thing and brought me this wonderful specimen! Come look at this closely."

Spy leaned in as Medic brought the busted machinery only inches away from either of their faces, making sure the prongs of the tweezers did not press into a misshapen box branching off from the main clump of broken and shattered dials. The box in question was thinly coated in a fine, gold-color film. But it couldn't be gold. Not with the strange, light glow it gave off.

"What is that?" Spy asked, not taking his eyes off of the film.

"Australium," Medic said cheerfully, "The deus ex machina of natural elements. Surely you've heard of it?"

"Oui, I've just never seen it so thin," Spy reached out with his index finger to feel the box for himself but Medic moved it out of reach.

"Do not touch it," Medic warned, demonstrating the consequences by placing the probe against the inner walls of the box, only to easily piece the coating, "It's very fragile. Normally, australium cannot be destroyed, only molded, which explains why it can still function after we are blown to bits almost every day. That is, unless you strike it with something just as powerful."

"Like…?"

"Like australium itself, of course!" Medic finished for him, "I believe the saying goes 'fight fire with fire' is it not? The respawn attachment can only be destroyed by an australium-based blast from the inside out!"

"So in short, the respawn technology self-destructed,"

"Ja… but this is no surprise to you, is it?" Medic asked, placing the ruined machine in a tray so that he and Spy made eye contact, "You suspected this vas the case, didn't you, Spy? You just needed me to confirm it."

"Oui," Spy removed his cigarette and extinguished it on the examination table. Medic didn't think to protest, too busy searching the Spy's expression; analyzing, calculating, reasoning, "I'm afraid this means our superiors have gotten serious about Hydro. There's no telling if respawn is online anymore and it's not worth losing valuable teammates over. We may be on our own now."

The realization took a minute to sink in, but when it did, Medic seemed to age, dark shadows under his eyes deeper as his head hung slightly in the light of the examination lamp. It seemed as if the illusion of immortality had been replaced by the heavy, underlying threat of mortality and in that moment, the warm desert air seeping in from the evening world outside bore a sharp, vicious chill to it.

"It only makes sense then… that they'd make an example of this deserter…" Medic cast the Pyro a wistful glance, "You _are_ going to tell the rest of the team, ja?"

"I suppose I must, lest the BLU team gain an advantage over us because of the rash actions of some of our… _braver_ teammates," Spy said, turning to exit the infirmary, "Perhaps tomorrow would be the best time to inform them. Until then, au revoir, Medic. Do what you will with the body."

Medic lingered in the infirmary for a minute after the Spy left, still processing their grim discovery. Then, without another word, he wheeled the body away, headed for the furnace room.


End file.
